Trapt

flashbacks

It's weird having flashbacks to old times...to good times. Weirdest one just happened a few minutes ago. I'm over at Wheelin's place,(I know I know, we can talk more about that later), he was in his bathroom cleaning up when he dropped something in the tub. I asked him if he was ok..........Flashback = Years ago I was taking a shower, I dropped the shampoo bottle while I was in there. My ex-husband was home and he came flying into the bathroom. He was so freaked out, he thought that I had fallen in the shower and got hurt. I felt so bad seeing the look of fear on his face. I remembered telling him I was ok, and that i was really sorry about scaring him.

Still asking the same question today. How do you stop liking or loving someone? With my ex-husband I've accepted it. I will always love the man I married and fell in love with. That guy is gone. The flashbacks are one of the few things I have left.

Some effort please........

I've been doing a ton of juggling. Remember a couple of posts ago when I mentioned I did something i was ashamed of...never mind again I was almost going to post it but I'm still not 100% ok with it. Anyway another guy has been added to the mix. He works for a kayak company in his spare time. So I met "Kayak" about a month ago at a party. He's hilarious and I had a great time with him but he lives out of town with zero plans of moving here. Because of this I never expected to hear from him again, but he found me through mutual friends on facebook and has been texting me every day since. Its all purely sexual and we have no plans on getting to know eachother on any other level. Kayak is married.......him and his wife have an open marriage. I did not have sex with Kayak. Of course he's interested, I told him he had to come back with a permission slip from his wife. Even though they might be ok with all this I'm not. It completely fucks with me morally and I feel like the world's biggest hypocrite. So that is the real reason why i don't want to get to know him any better. I don't want any kind of real relationship with this guy. He's funny and I bullshit with him regarding my love life.
I was telling him the other day about Suzuki...things have been going on with Suzuki. We've hung out a couple of times now. We've had two different make out sessions. I love kissing. But besides that, nothing is really happening. Kayak was telling me that Suzuki should be putting forth some effort. We both agreed that it sucks being with someone that acts like they could take it or leave it, either way no big deal. I want someone passionate. I feed off of that, the more someone wants to be with me the more I want to be with them...when it comes to sex.
When it comes to other things I'm not sure what's leading me. Right now I have a few options...Scorpion, Soccer Dad, Suzuki, Honda, Kayak.....All I want is freaking Wheelin. How do you stop liking someone? Can you stop liking someone and remain friend's with them?

Soccer Dad

A co-worker is trying to set me up with a guy she knew from back in the day. He's hot, divorced, plays soccer and has a ten year old son. I mentioned that I wouldn't mind meeting him. Well today she decided to give him my number and wanted me to go to lunch with her to meet him. I couldn't, too much work and my lunch is too short. I also didn't clarify that when I said "I wouldn't mind meeting him" meant that if we all happen to end up at the same event together that would be cool. Or that I was open to the possibility. It did not mean give him my number.

So she went to lunch with him to catch up. She hasn't really spoken to him in almost 15 years. Turns out the demise of his marriage left him pretty resentful...he's only been divorced for about a year. I faintly hear "mayday...mayday!!!!" repeated over and over again in my head. Then again I hear Wheelin telling me that girls don't give guys enough of a chance.

Soccer Dad sent me a few texts. The first one ended with a question "What makes you happy". I wanted to give a real answer without sounding cheesy or fake. So I went with complete honesty and told him it was the little things that make me happy; Like my girls giggling, a good night's sleep, getting all green lights on the way to work. I returned the question...his response "spending time with my son candlelight dinners and making people smile". Am I just jaded....his response sent more "maydays" running through my head. Spending time with your children is a cop out answer....I love my kids, but sometimes they drive me crazy and being single parents, it can make it harder at times, the times when things go right it is great. Candlelight dinners...REALLY?!?!?! Is there a straight man alive that is made happy by candlelight dinners? I just cross that answer off as bullshit, where do people even go to have candlelit dinners...and what makes you so happy about it? That you can barely see what you're eating or because you're just that romantic of a guy. Please if you are a guy or knows one that thinks candlelit dinners make him happy please clue me in. His last response about making people smile...I'll buy that one...has some cheese factor, but I'll buy it. Ugh, who's the resentful one...me or him?

Crotch Rocket

So one of my guy friends has been dying to set me up. He was waiting for me to be done with Wheelin. He supposedly had this sweet, fun nice guy he thought would be perfect for me. I told him I really sucked at blind dates and was preety nervous about meeting someone out of the blue like that. My bud tried to plan a group date but that fell apart pretty quickly...blind date dude "Scorpion" has the COMPLETE opposite schedule of me. I work m-f 9-5....he works wed-sat 1pm - 12am. The three days he has off I have my kids...so I won't hang out with him. Bud gave Scorpion my number.

After Scorpion and I had a few talks on the phone, I figured he was decent enough to meet and hang out with. We decided to meet after he got off work on a night that I don't have to work the next day. We met at a bar and grill near our homes that was open late. I got there first...he came around the corner like a bat out of hell on his motorcycle. I love motorcycles....I don't like idiots that don't protect themselves and drive like complete morons. Scorpion drives a crotch rocket, does not wear gloves or a protective jacket. He also just raced ahead of a car, and almost missed the entrance to the parking lot....

When he gets off his bike I realize he's not much taller than me...I'm 5'2. He's dressed cute, he's kind of akward but he's trying hard to look cool, he's 45, he keeps talking negatively about his exes, the bike thing is driving me nuts...he's old enough to know better. He loves to cook, is into sports, is really trying hard to get on my good side, wants to become friends with my kids so that we can see eachother more.....

I'm not digging him. Had a conversation with Wheelin the other day about how girls don't give guys a chance. So I went out with Scorpion again...this time he had 2 shots, 3 beers, rode off on his bike and told me the next day how he finally was able to do a wheelie on it. He told me this as I was over at his house...he offered to run errands with me and make me breakfast (I didn't spend the night). He made me a really yummy omelet and gave me toast bacon and coffee. Never thought I would say this but he would have a better shot if he didn't have a bike. The bike thing is showing off how irresponsible he is.