Update

So.....R6 and I sorta broke up on Friday. Many things have happened in the past few months. His best friend died in August, his son died in January, he went through a divorce last year, and he's getting out of the Airforce next month. He decided his best opportunity is to take a civilian contracting job in Afghanistan for a year...maybe two. We decided to not even try a long distance relationship. The reason I say sorta brokeup, is because we still talk, we're just not seeing eachother right now. I think if we see eachother, it will be tough to be just friends. I decided to break up with him because it seemed so pointless to continue a relationship when the cloud is looming over your head, that it will be over in a couple months. It makes everything in the relationship seem pointless and every argument seems retarded. Well it was a good run...not bad for my first "boyfriend" since the divorce (almost 4 years ago). R6 dedicated this song to me when we were talking about ending it. The Script "I'm Yours"

Ugh, I don't know what I'm doing

So, I've been dating R6 for almost 5 months now. Wheelin decided to stop talking to me. R6 was fine with Wheelin and I being friends as long as we didn't sleep together. Wheelin wanted nothing to do with me once R6 came in the picture. So that pretty much sums up that portion of the drama (details may come at another time). So R6 is great, he treats me awesome. He's tried to be my Mr. Fix-It when it comes to almost anything I may need. He's brought me lunch almost every single week, once a week. He gets a real kick out of my kids, and they really like him. This summer has been really tough for both of us, my best friend of 17 years died suddenly on July 15...tomorrow he would have turned 34. R6's room mate and best friend died in a motorcycle accident on August 8. R6 has a 7 month old son, turns out his son has West Syndrome and he may not live past the age of 10. It's been one horrible thing after another. Through all this we've been there for each other.

The problem....R6 has a best friend who is a chick (we'll call her Tigger CBR). So not only is she over often but they also work together. I had no problems with her...until I invited one of my really good chick friends over to hang out at his pool and he had Tigger CBR over as well. When me and my friend came inside to dry the kids off, R6 and her went outside and were there talking for a while until I went out and grabbed what I needed to leave. The following time, I went out with my same friend and R6 asked me to come over afterward. At 2am when I was done I went to his house and Tigger CBR was still there with him, so I just kept driving. They'll go grocery shopping together, riding together, work on bikes together. R6 asked me if I would mind having my ex watch the girl's Saturday night so I can help R6 move....I asked the ex to babysit...then he asks if I want to go riding with him Friday night with him and Tigger CBR. Told him that we should schedule it for a day after he's moved, since I'm giving up time to be with my kids to help him out, I didn't see why we would go riding (Tigger CBR is the one who wanted to go riding). During the move he takes an antenna and sticks it between Tigger CBR's legs...he says he did it to his male friend as well(I must have missed that). On Saturday he got really upset with her...they were suppose to run some errands and work on a motorcycle together, when he went to her house to pick her up he saw her blinds close and she wouldn't open the door. He became furious (guess she has a boy toy) and he felt screwed over because she didn't give him a heads up and he wasted his time going over there. So he told me basically he wanted nothing to do with her and that he didn't want to be friends with someone he couldn't depend on. (Idiot me) told him that if this was the first time she had done this he should calm down and wait to make a decision after he's spoken with her (at this point he was ignoring her phone calls). He told her to come over...she never showed up. Last night was my last straw, (second to last straw) while R6 was at work I invited him over for dinner. He said he would let me know if he could get away. Two hours later he tells me sorry about MIA. I thought he was apologizing for being Missing In Action...he was actually apologizing that my Miami Dolphins were doing so bad. Then he proceeds to tell me that he's at a BBQ joint talking with Tigger CBR. He never told me he wasn't coming over or that he finally got a hold of her and they were going to talk. I was pretty ticked off. Texting ensues:

Another way you didn't keep your word...you said you were going to let me know if you could get away. Guess I found out, when you told me you were with Tigger CBR
Uh

Hey u there
Yeah. Was I suppose to respond to "uh"
I am going to call in a second
I don't want to talk
what
(he calls, I don't answer)
Really

Next day:
6:16am: Ok, ready to talk when you are
9:59am: Hello
10:13am: Hi
10:25am: Sleeping txt later
10:26am: Ok
1:48pm: I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you're awake by now.
1:54pm: Working out
2:00pm: Got it
2:03pm: Just trying to give you space cause I feel like that's what you want
2:04pm: Ok, guess it's always better to assume than ask
2:06pm: Then babe, what is it that you want cause nit picking is crazy
2:08pm: You're right. Sucks on my end too. Space is probably best
2:14pm: If that's what you want

Whatever you want to tell me, feel free. I don't want him to choose between his friend and me...seriously. I told him that before he told me that she was there before me and that she would be there after me. What I truly feel is that I should just walk away, I've mastered walking away. He needs a chick that is perfectly fine with him flirting and having such a close female friend. There are a ton of girls out there like that, I've talked to them. I don't understand them...but I think that's great for them. I just don't have any idea how to do that. NONE.

Tough

Things have become pretty difficult. So much has been going on. First off, Wheelin is in a really bad depression. We kissed and made up....he was trying to be more what I wanted. I went out of town with him Memorial Day Weekend, we had a great relaxing time. R6 knows ALL about Wheelin. The night before I went out of town, R6 and I had a long talk. I told him everything because I wasn't very concerned if he turned around and walked away or not. I almost wanted him too. Instead he told me that we're all grown adults, we hadn't made a commitment to each other and that basically he really liked me. I started to like R6 even more. Wheelin's depression is getting worse.

June 10th and 11th, I spent pretty much the entire time with Wheelin....talking. He realizes he never gave us a shot because there were a few things holding him back. He thought I was going to hurt him (by possibly cheating). He didn't want to come into my girl's lives and have them hate him because he's a lot stricter than me, he doesn't like the way they run me over when he's around. He also isn't a fan of how unclean my house is. After we talked about these things he realized he should have talked to me about them a while ago. In the end we truly, deeply care about each other and he feels he is being replaced by R6. That he really likes being the man in me and the girl's lives. We both cried Thursday night. It was gut wrenching. I was so mad and frustrated. For over a year all I wanted was a chance. Now that someone else came along he realizes what he's losing. Then I also start thinking that it may just be the depression and jealousy that's clouding his judgement. Am I willing to risk giving R6 a shot because I so badly wanted to try things out with Wheelin? Wheelin asked me twice...if I could have anything I wanted what would I pick. Both times I told him I would pick R6. I also told him ideally I could squish the two of them together and have the perfect guy. Ideally me and Wheelin would work out and live happily ever after, but somehow that almost feels as unreal as squishing the two of them together to make one person.

We slept together that Friday night, knowing that that would most likely be the last time. So how crazy is it that I almost don't want things to work with R6? R6 is practically too good to be true and I am a believer that anything too good to be true usually isn't. I want Wheelin to snap out of it. Realize that he was right, that me and him should only be friends. Instead he's decided he wants to disappear from my life for a bit. That he can't handle knowing I'm with R6 at this time. I'm heart broken. I'm losing a really good friend and someone I care about deeply, for a shot at a relationship with someone that I don't know very well. I'm also terrified of putting and end to R6 and me...to go running to Wheelin for him to realize he never wanted me that way. That he was just lonely and scared of losing someone who cared about him.

It's been almost two weeks. Wheelin is barely speaking to me. My father had major surgery 3 days ago (He was moderate to high risk). I'm getting behind in school. BFF has practically dropped out of my life. I'm struggling a bit here with my choice.

9 Reasons he's still single

The one's in bold are what I believe to be Wheelin's excuses. Rich doesn't have these.

His 9 Reasons for Being Single
Why are you still single? Marie Claire's male dating blogger lists nine possible reasons for his own single status.

By Rich Santos

No matter who you are, dating and meeting interesting people is a challenge. Maybe this is why dating is so intriguing. There are legitimate reasons for not dating (for example, you've been hurt physically or mentally and you need to learn to trust again) or excuses such as "I'm working on my career," even though you're not really working on your career.

I recently pondered why I'm still single and wondered: "Am I clinging to these reasons as excuses to keep me from taking on the challenge of dating, or to avoid my fear of rejection?" Here are some of the reasons I give myself when thinking about why I am still single:

1. I'm "Unique" and Tough to Get Along With
Maybe I have strange interests and I'm not a "mainstream" kind of guy, so the number of women that connect with me is limited. I'm not always eager to compromise. I fear I'm turning into the reclusive artist type, enjoying solitude and reveling in bitterness.

2. I Value My Independence
I enjoy being able to do what I want, whenever I want. I'm bad enough budgeting my own time, so being aware of someone else's time in addition to mine seems daunting.

3. My Last Relationship Scared Me
I'm assuming that every other girl I meet will be like my ex-girlfriend, who got too serious too quickly.

4. My Parents' Split Scared Me
When my parents split up when I was 8, it took a big piece out of me. Every year I wonder if I'm over it, or if I'm still damaged from the trauma.

5. I've Got Issues with Sex
In fact, I was told by a professional to see a sex therapist. I have never enjoyed sex; I'm worried that I'm not satisfying my partner, or that I'll do something wrong.

6. I Haven't Met the Right Girl
I'm like Simon on American Idol: always finding something in someone to annoy me. I am rarely intrigued by a girl these days. But perhaps I'm too picky, and I'm judging too quickly. My one female friend tells me that she thinks I'm staying out of the game because I don't want drama in my life. Trust me, I'm capable of creating enough drama on my own so perhaps she's right that I can't handle more. She says the "drama-free" girl is out there, and that's when I'm going to give things a shot.

7. Kids Scare Me
I've learned about child-rearing after my nieces were born. Right now, I have it great: I'm the cool uncle and I don't have to do any serious parenting stuff. And sometimes I look around the world, and I wonder why I should bring a child into it in light of all of the bad things that happen.

8. I Don't Want to Grow Up
I've always been on the slow track with growing up. I feel like there's so much to learn out there, and I don't want the responsibility of a serious relationship.

9. It Rarely Works Out Anyway
I'm embellishing a bit, but I've gotten addicted to that Discovery ID Channel and its true crime documentaries. The last few weeks, I've seen murder, adultery, and deceit all over these shows. And if I switch to my other favorite channel, ESPN, I see similar stories like Tiger Woods. So what's the point?

Some of these reasons may be legitimate, but even I can admit that they should not prevent me from dating. Dating is about overcoming fears. We are putting ourselves out there: like going on a job interview, or auditioning for a gig. I'm also assuming the worst — not every girl will get too serious, maybe I'll learn to enjoy sex, my close-minded approach might be letting great girls get away, and just because I go on a few dates doesn't mean I'm going to end up with a kid.

My life is littered with challenges I avoided: academics, college soccer, etc. I may have had the talent to take on the those challenges, but there was always some excuse or excuses that I identified for not giving it a shot, along with a fear of rejection. If we can differentiate excuses from legitimate reasons, we might take on more challenges, and we might even be able to get out there and do some healthy dating.

mean

His response

I'm not upset over your new boy. I'm upset because this was our deal, and I wanted us to finish it together. YOU were the one approaching me to buy the ninja. We agreed that I would help you find a bike like the ninja and do what I did to the Ninja to your bike together, helping to bring it to working order. You agreed to that. I told you it might take a little while, but it would be worth the money saved. You said ok... If you wanted a bike that you could ride soon, then why did you agree to what we said to do? Why didn't you go find your own bike that was working, and paid more money for it on your own? Its like you just used me to obtain the thing, then you go and do whatever you please. That is why this was our deal, so when it comes down to it, you come first.

Calling me to ask if I was ok with it getting finished, would have shown me that you were at least thinking about my feelings. But you didn't call, you didn't even consider my feelings, you were only concerned with yourself, and spending time with your new boy, and look! here's an opportunity to do that AND get my bike going, and that is what hurts the most, when it comes down to it, you come first. IT feels like you are replacing me.

"No I didnt realize you were that excited over working on the bike." How you missed this is completely beyond me.. So please tell me what I WAS excited about then... I even told you the first AND second Saturday we were working on it together, "I'm really excited about getting your bike working." How much more fucking plain do I need to be? Do I need to find a way to put the words in a syringe and inject them into you so that I make sure you received it? All this tells me is that you don't pay any attention, and when it comes down to it, you come first

Your email isn't helping at all either. "by allowing someone who is very experienced with bikes help me work on mine" Nice. So now this guy is the be all end all of experience on bikes, therefore everything should be ok, and I especially should be ok with anything he does because of that, oh yeah and also i'm not experienced either. Then of course you had to turn around into you, about how I joke around about other women. How is that supposed to help me deal with this situation? Then why did you bring it up?

Lastly, all of this I have done for you. I've received absolutely nothing for any of it. In fact if anything its cost me. I gave you expensive free parts, bought you lunch, used my gas, used my expertise and knowledge to find the thing AND go look at it, then make a decision if it was worthwhile to buy, negotiated the deal for you, haul it around for you, take it to your house, use my tools, lend my tools, lend my time, show you how to take things apart, show you where things are supposed to go, meticulously go through parts on the bike with you to make sure when it goes back together that it works and it will stay that way for a long time, get you discounts on parts, tell you what you need, show you where to buy things, use more time, get the thing almost put together, not to mention that if I would have just decided to keep it for myself and not let you know about it, I could have put some much needed money in my pocket. I'm sure you would have been completely understanding about that too wouldn't you. so please EXCUUUUSE me that maybe the reward I was looking forward to, was completeting something I did with my friend together from start to finish, and the smile it brought to her face when it was all done and working, as I set her off on her first ride down the street on her new bike (sure this moments probably passed too, thanks R6) as my only reward, yet it being all I really would need, and made the whole thing worth it...

But when it comes down to it, you come first.

Wheelin may be done

Remember how I told you that Wheelin was working on my bike with me lately? Well I've had my bike for over a month, we just kept missing eachother to work on the bike. We've hung out almost everyday that I don't have my kids, we're still running. We missed a couple of days running because he had friends come in from out of town and he invited me to hang out with them...so I did. After I hung out with Wheelin I would meet up with R6. R6 is really growing on me. He treats me exactly how I want to be treated. Well Friday, I'd been telling Wheelin all day how I wanted to work on my bike. He wasn't feeling well and up for it so I left his house around 8pm and went home. Called up R6, he brought over beer and the two of us worked on my bike and got everything done. The next morning Wheelin called me wanting to know if I wanted to work on my bike. When I told him, it was all done, he got mad. Later in the day I asked him what I could do to fix it. His response is in the first line of the following email I just sent him. He is ignoring me and hasn't spoken to me since saturday morning.

Hi,

You texted me “Nothing is going to change it. Nothing will change anything. I’m really upset with you”. I never would have thought that our friendship was that conditional, especially lately when everything had been going so well. You told me just the other day that I was one of your closest friends here in town. I messed up, by allowing someone that is very experienced in bikes help me work on mine. My bike was our project. No, I didn’t realize you were that excited about working on it. I was thrilled with the bike you helped me find and buy, it’s been over a month and I really wanted it done. No matter what you will always be the person that helped me get my first bike, don’t think it was worth it now if it’s going to cost me our friendship. Are you really ignoring me and this upset with me because you didn’t get to help me change my oil and put in the lowering links?

You wanted me aware that I didn’t push my friends away, because of a guy coming into my life. I have that running through my head regularly. I have made time for you and hung out with you almost every day that I didn’t have my kids. Wheelin, this past year you have meant a lot to me…at some times, you meant too much. Have you not noticed the impact you’ve had?

I don’t like how easily you get upset with me. You’ve told me how I’ve disrespected you lately, whether it was while running or when it comes to R6. I’ve told you how I found you commenting on chicks to me, at every opportunity was disrespectful; I even got upset with you when you commented on my facebook pic regarding how cute my friend was and how I needed to grow my hair out. Who do you think ended up reprogramming that time? Wheelin, I don’t even try to bring you around my friends because of it. I don’t want to hear how big their tits are, how hot they are or when can we have a threesome together. I have brought this up several times. I’m sorry if wanting to quit running and whining through it is disrespect to you, right after you ask me not to.

So far, R6 is a really great guy. I was hoping you two would get to meet soon, doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen now. I don’t completely understand why you’re “sensitive” about me hanging out with him. For over a year I’ve wanted to be with you. You chose what you felt was the best option for you…I’m not considered a possibility for years. Even then I would have been just a possibility, pretty slim odds. I knew it would be tough or near impossible for me to be friends with you, but I tried reprogramming anyway. I didn’t think it would be you that would let something like this get in the way of us being friends. If you’re done with me, let me know.

***UPDATE*** His response, via text: "I'm really hurt, sad and irritated with you. You're email did not help at all"

***UPDATE*** His response after I didn't respond: "I'm not trying to ignore you, and I'm not done with you, but it will be awhile before I'm ok about stuff, sure you won't hesitate to fill your free time with R6 anyway"
my response "Keep me posted"