Tough

Things have become pretty difficult. So much has been going on. First off, Wheelin is in a really bad depression. We kissed and made up....he was trying to be more what I wanted. I went out of town with him Memorial Day Weekend, we had a great relaxing time. R6 knows ALL about Wheelin. The night before I went out of town, R6 and I had a long talk. I told him everything because I wasn't very concerned if he turned around and walked away or not. I almost wanted him too. Instead he told me that we're all grown adults, we hadn't made a commitment to each other and that basically he really liked me. I started to like R6 even more. Wheelin's depression is getting worse.

June 10th and 11th, I spent pretty much the entire time with Wheelin....talking. He realizes he never gave us a shot because there were a few things holding him back. He thought I was going to hurt him (by possibly cheating). He didn't want to come into my girl's lives and have them hate him because he's a lot stricter than me, he doesn't like the way they run me over when he's around. He also isn't a fan of how unclean my house is. After we talked about these things he realized he should have talked to me about them a while ago. In the end we truly, deeply care about each other and he feels he is being replaced by R6. That he really likes being the man in me and the girl's lives. We both cried Thursday night. It was gut wrenching. I was so mad and frustrated. For over a year all I wanted was a chance. Now that someone else came along he realizes what he's losing. Then I also start thinking that it may just be the depression and jealousy that's clouding his judgement. Am I willing to risk giving R6 a shot because I so badly wanted to try things out with Wheelin? Wheelin asked me twice...if I could have anything I wanted what would I pick. Both times I told him I would pick R6. I also told him ideally I could squish the two of them together and have the perfect guy. Ideally me and Wheelin would work out and live happily ever after, but somehow that almost feels as unreal as squishing the two of them together to make one person.

We slept together that Friday night, knowing that that would most likely be the last time. So how crazy is it that I almost don't want things to work with R6? R6 is practically too good to be true and I am a believer that anything too good to be true usually isn't. I want Wheelin to snap out of it. Realize that he was right, that me and him should only be friends. Instead he's decided he wants to disappear from my life for a bit. That he can't handle knowing I'm with R6 at this time. I'm heart broken. I'm losing a really good friend and someone I care about deeply, for a shot at a relationship with someone that I don't know very well. I'm also terrified of putting and end to R6 and me...to go running to Wheelin for him to realize he never wanted me that way. That he was just lonely and scared of losing someone who cared about him.

It's been almost two weeks. Wheelin is barely speaking to me. My father had major surgery 3 days ago (He was moderate to high risk). I'm getting behind in school. BFF has practically dropped out of my life. I'm struggling a bit here with my choice.