So, I've been dating R6 for almost 5 months now. Wheelin decided to stop talking to me. R6 was fine with Wheelin and I being friends as long as we didn't sleep together. Wheelin wanted nothing to do with me once R6 came in the picture. So that pretty much sums up that portion of the drama (details may come at another time). So R6 is great, he treats me awesome. He's tried to be my Mr. Fix-It when it comes to almost anything I may need. He's brought me lunch almost every single week, once a week. He gets a real kick out of my kids, and they really like him. This summer has been really tough for both of us, my best friend of 17 years died suddenly on July 15...tomorrow he would have turned 34. R6's room mate and best friend died in a motorcycle accident on August 8. R6 has a 7 month old son, turns out his son has West Syndrome and he may not live past the age of 10. It's been one horrible thing after another. Through all this we've been there for each other.
The problem....R6 has a best friend who is a chick (we'll call her Tigger CBR). So not only is she over often but they also work together. I had no problems with her...until I invited one of my really good chick friends over to hang out at his pool and he had Tigger CBR over as well. When me and my friend came inside to dry the kids off, R6 and her went outside and were there talking for a while until I went out and grabbed what I needed to leave. The following time, I went out with my same friend and R6 asked me to come over afterward. At 2am when I was done I went to his house and Tigger CBR was still there with him, so I just kept driving. They'll go grocery shopping together, riding together, work on bikes together. R6 asked me if I would mind having my ex watch the girl's Saturday night so I can help R6 move....I asked the ex to babysit...then he asks if I want to go riding with him Friday night with him and Tigger CBR. Told him that we should schedule it for a day after he's moved, since I'm giving up time to be with my kids to help him out, I didn't see why we would go riding (Tigger CBR is the one who wanted to go riding). During the move he takes an antenna and sticks it between Tigger CBR's legs...he says he did it to his male friend as well(I must have missed that). On Saturday he got really upset with her...they were suppose to run some errands and work on a motorcycle together, when he went to her house to pick her up he saw her blinds close and she wouldn't open the door. He became furious (guess she has a boy toy) and he felt screwed over because she didn't give him a heads up and he wasted his time going over there. So he told me basically he wanted nothing to do with her and that he didn't want to be friends with someone he couldn't depend on. (Idiot me) told him that if this was the first time she had done this he should calm down and wait to make a decision after he's spoken with her (at this point he was ignoring her phone calls). He told her to come over...she never showed up. Last night was my last straw, (second to last straw) while R6 was at work I invited him over for dinner. He said he would let me know if he could get away. Two hours later he tells me sorry about MIA. I thought he was apologizing for being Missing In Action...he was actually apologizing that my Miami Dolphins were doing so bad. Then he proceeds to tell me that he's at a BBQ joint talking with Tigger CBR. He never told me he wasn't coming over or that he finally got a hold of her and they were going to talk. I was pretty ticked off. Texting ensues:
Another way you didn't keep your word...you said you were going to let me know if you could get away. Guess I found out, when you told me you were with Tigger CBR
Uh
The problem....R6 has a best friend who is a chick (we'll call her Tigger CBR). So not only is she over often but they also work together. I had no problems with her...until I invited one of my really good chick friends over to hang out at his pool and he had Tigger CBR over as well. When me and my friend came inside to dry the kids off, R6 and her went outside and were there talking for a while until I went out and grabbed what I needed to leave. The following time, I went out with my same friend and R6 asked me to come over afterward. At 2am when I was done I went to his house and Tigger CBR was still there with him, so I just kept driving. They'll go grocery shopping together, riding together, work on bikes together. R6 asked me if I would mind having my ex watch the girl's Saturday night so I can help R6 move....I asked the ex to babysit...then he asks if I want to go riding with him Friday night with him and Tigger CBR. Told him that we should schedule it for a day after he's moved, since I'm giving up time to be with my kids to help him out, I didn't see why we would go riding (Tigger CBR is the one who wanted to go riding). During the move he takes an antenna and sticks it between Tigger CBR's legs...he says he did it to his male friend as well(I must have missed that). On Saturday he got really upset with her...they were suppose to run some errands and work on a motorcycle together, when he went to her house to pick her up he saw her blinds close and she wouldn't open the door. He became furious (guess she has a boy toy) and he felt screwed over because she didn't give him a heads up and he wasted his time going over there. So he told me basically he wanted nothing to do with her and that he didn't want to be friends with someone he couldn't depend on. (Idiot me) told him that if this was the first time she had done this he should calm down and wait to make a decision after he's spoken with her (at this point he was ignoring her phone calls). He told her to come over...she never showed up. Last night was my last straw, (second to last straw) while R6 was at work I invited him over for dinner. He said he would let me know if he could get away. Two hours later he tells me sorry about MIA. I thought he was apologizing for being Missing In Action...he was actually apologizing that my Miami Dolphins were doing so bad. Then he proceeds to tell me that he's at a BBQ joint talking with Tigger CBR. He never told me he wasn't coming over or that he finally got a hold of her and they were going to talk. I was pretty ticked off. Texting ensues:
Another way you didn't keep your word...you said you were going to let me know if you could get away. Guess I found out, when you told me you were with Tigger CBR
Uh
Hey u there
Yeah. Was I suppose to respond to "uh"
I am going to call in a second
I don't want to talk
what
(he calls, I don't answer)
Really
Yeah. Was I suppose to respond to "uh"
I am going to call in a second
I don't want to talk
what
(he calls, I don't answer)
Really
Next day:
6:16am: Ok, ready to talk when you are
9:59am: Hello
10:13am: Hi
10:25am: Sleeping txt later
10:26am: Ok
1:48pm: I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you're awake by now.
1:54pm: Working out
2:00pm: Got it
2:03pm: Just trying to give you space cause I feel like that's what you want
2:04pm: Ok, guess it's always better to assume than ask
2:06pm: Then babe, what is it that you want cause nit picking is crazy
2:08pm: You're right. Sucks on my end too. Space is probably best
2:14pm: If that's what you want
6:16am: Ok, ready to talk when you are
9:59am: Hello
10:13am: Hi
10:25am: Sleeping txt later
10:26am: Ok
1:48pm: I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you're awake by now.
1:54pm: Working out
2:00pm: Got it
2:03pm: Just trying to give you space cause I feel like that's what you want
2:04pm: Ok, guess it's always better to assume than ask
2:06pm: Then babe, what is it that you want cause nit picking is crazy
2:08pm: You're right. Sucks on my end too. Space is probably best
2:14pm: If that's what you want
Whatever you want to tell me, feel free. I don't want him to choose between his friend and me...seriously. I told him that before he told me that she was there before me and that she would be there after me. What I truly feel is that I should just walk away, I've mastered walking away. He needs a chick that is perfectly fine with him flirting and having such a close female friend. There are a ton of girls out there like that, I've talked to them. I don't understand them...but I think that's great for them. I just don't have any idea how to do that. NONE.
For me, there's a really fine line between appropriate and inappropriate behavior with your close friends when you are in a serious relationship with someone. I've always had male friends, some of them close; OJ has always had female friends, some of them close, and his best friend is a girl he's been in love with since he was 8. At the beginning of our marriage I had to hear about that all the time. It was really hard for me, and I've always been one of those women that has been OK with flirting and female friends. But sometimes lines get crossed, and over time we both came to realize what we are and aren't comfortable with. It's a matter of respect, and of what you feel is respectful behavior. So I guess my advice would be to determine what boundaries you are comfortable with, and then talk to him about those boundaries. It isn't fair to ask him to give up a friend for your relationship, but it IS fair to ask him to not behave in ways that make you uncomfortable. It's up to you to determine what ways make you uncomfortable, and then it's up to him to determine whether or not he is comfortable with those boundaries. If he really cares about you it is natural to assume he doesn't WANT to make you feel badly, and will probably try to do his best to work with you on this. If you're being reasonable and he WON'T work with you, then it's probably a good indication that you should walk away. This is certainly an uncomfortable situation and lord knows I don't know enough details about anything else, but just from what you shared here, if this is all there is and you don't have other misgivings and you otherwise see potential with this guy, I wouldn't walk away just yet. I would try to talk it out first. Either way, best of luck to you. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you Kristi!!!!
ReplyDelete