mean

His response

I'm not upset over your new boy. I'm upset because this was our deal, and I wanted us to finish it together. YOU were the one approaching me to buy the ninja. We agreed that I would help you find a bike like the ninja and do what I did to the Ninja to your bike together, helping to bring it to working order. You agreed to that. I told you it might take a little while, but it would be worth the money saved. You said ok... If you wanted a bike that you could ride soon, then why did you agree to what we said to do? Why didn't you go find your own bike that was working, and paid more money for it on your own? Its like you just used me to obtain the thing, then you go and do whatever you please. That is why this was our deal, so when it comes down to it, you come first.

Calling me to ask if I was ok with it getting finished, would have shown me that you were at least thinking about my feelings. But you didn't call, you didn't even consider my feelings, you were only concerned with yourself, and spending time with your new boy, and look! here's an opportunity to do that AND get my bike going, and that is what hurts the most, when it comes down to it, you come first. IT feels like you are replacing me.

"No I didnt realize you were that excited over working on the bike." How you missed this is completely beyond me.. So please tell me what I WAS excited about then... I even told you the first AND second Saturday we were working on it together, "I'm really excited about getting your bike working." How much more fucking plain do I need to be? Do I need to find a way to put the words in a syringe and inject them into you so that I make sure you received it? All this tells me is that you don't pay any attention, and when it comes down to it, you come first

Your email isn't helping at all either. "by allowing someone who is very experienced with bikes help me work on mine" Nice. So now this guy is the be all end all of experience on bikes, therefore everything should be ok, and I especially should be ok with anything he does because of that, oh yeah and also i'm not experienced either. Then of course you had to turn around into you, about how I joke around about other women. How is that supposed to help me deal with this situation? Then why did you bring it up?

Lastly, all of this I have done for you. I've received absolutely nothing for any of it. In fact if anything its cost me. I gave you expensive free parts, bought you lunch, used my gas, used my expertise and knowledge to find the thing AND go look at it, then make a decision if it was worthwhile to buy, negotiated the deal for you, haul it around for you, take it to your house, use my tools, lend my tools, lend my time, show you how to take things apart, show you where things are supposed to go, meticulously go through parts on the bike with you to make sure when it goes back together that it works and it will stay that way for a long time, get you discounts on parts, tell you what you need, show you where to buy things, use more time, get the thing almost put together, not to mention that if I would have just decided to keep it for myself and not let you know about it, I could have put some much needed money in my pocket. I'm sure you would have been completely understanding about that too wouldn't you. so please EXCUUUUSE me that maybe the reward I was looking forward to, was completeting something I did with my friend together from start to finish, and the smile it brought to her face when it was all done and working, as I set her off on her first ride down the street on her new bike (sure this moments probably passed too, thanks R6) as my only reward, yet it being all I really would need, and made the whole thing worth it...

But when it comes down to it, you come first.

Wheelin may be done

Remember how I told you that Wheelin was working on my bike with me lately? Well I've had my bike for over a month, we just kept missing eachother to work on the bike. We've hung out almost everyday that I don't have my kids, we're still running. We missed a couple of days running because he had friends come in from out of town and he invited me to hang out with them...so I did. After I hung out with Wheelin I would meet up with R6. R6 is really growing on me. He treats me exactly how I want to be treated. Well Friday, I'd been telling Wheelin all day how I wanted to work on my bike. He wasn't feeling well and up for it so I left his house around 8pm and went home. Called up R6, he brought over beer and the two of us worked on my bike and got everything done. The next morning Wheelin called me wanting to know if I wanted to work on my bike. When I told him, it was all done, he got mad. Later in the day I asked him what I could do to fix it. His response is in the first line of the following email I just sent him. He is ignoring me and hasn't spoken to me since saturday morning.

Hi,

You texted me “Nothing is going to change it. Nothing will change anything. I’m really upset with you”. I never would have thought that our friendship was that conditional, especially lately when everything had been going so well. You told me just the other day that I was one of your closest friends here in town. I messed up, by allowing someone that is very experienced in bikes help me work on mine. My bike was our project. No, I didn’t realize you were that excited about working on it. I was thrilled with the bike you helped me find and buy, it’s been over a month and I really wanted it done. No matter what you will always be the person that helped me get my first bike, don’t think it was worth it now if it’s going to cost me our friendship. Are you really ignoring me and this upset with me because you didn’t get to help me change my oil and put in the lowering links?

You wanted me aware that I didn’t push my friends away, because of a guy coming into my life. I have that running through my head regularly. I have made time for you and hung out with you almost every day that I didn’t have my kids. Wheelin, this past year you have meant a lot to me…at some times, you meant too much. Have you not noticed the impact you’ve had?

I don’t like how easily you get upset with me. You’ve told me how I’ve disrespected you lately, whether it was while running or when it comes to R6. I’ve told you how I found you commenting on chicks to me, at every opportunity was disrespectful; I even got upset with you when you commented on my facebook pic regarding how cute my friend was and how I needed to grow my hair out. Who do you think ended up reprogramming that time? Wheelin, I don’t even try to bring you around my friends because of it. I don’t want to hear how big their tits are, how hot they are or when can we have a threesome together. I have brought this up several times. I’m sorry if wanting to quit running and whining through it is disrespect to you, right after you ask me not to.

So far, R6 is a really great guy. I was hoping you two would get to meet soon, doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen now. I don’t completely understand why you’re “sensitive” about me hanging out with him. For over a year I’ve wanted to be with you. You chose what you felt was the best option for you…I’m not considered a possibility for years. Even then I would have been just a possibility, pretty slim odds. I knew it would be tough or near impossible for me to be friends with you, but I tried reprogramming anyway. I didn’t think it would be you that would let something like this get in the way of us being friends. If you’re done with me, let me know.

***UPDATE*** His response, via text: "I'm really hurt, sad and irritated with you. You're email did not help at all"

***UPDATE*** His response after I didn't respond: "I'm not trying to ignore you, and I'm not done with you, but it will be awhile before I'm ok about stuff, sure you won't hesitate to fill your free time with R6 anyway"
my response "Keep me posted"

Texting Wheelin

Me: You're acting a lil paranoid
Wheelin: I sounded paranoid on the phone?
Me: Yeah....about not hearing from me.
Wheelin: I just wanna make sure I make time for it and plan it with you since its important to you.
Me: I understand, but I figured we already set it up and if you changed your mind or didn't feel like it you would let me know today.
Me: Did you want to know if I hung out with R6 last night?
Wheelin: I knew you did there was no reason to ask.
Me: If you say so.

Me: I need to ask, when we have sex...is it just sex for you?
Me: Know you're a guy...so its easier to seperate that stuff, so I'm wondering.
Wheelin: I dunno. What else would it be? Its definitly not running
Me: Thought you said it was like sex and that's why I would like it
Wheelin:Hahahaha!! Did I??? Umm it sure is!!!
Wheelin: Can you elaborate on what you're asking a little more so I can answer your question?
Me: I was just throwing stuff around in my head this morning...one was why haven't I stopped sleeping with you and more importantly why don't I. One answer was that I wasn't ready to stop feeling that close to you. Then I thought that probably a chick thing.
Wheelin: I could see that. I didn't identify that like you did, but I would say I feel the same way, probably a little why I'm sensitive! Bc I'm not ready either
Me: I passed accounting with an A
Wheelin: Take it you didn't like my answer and changed the subject?....Good job!!!
Me: I liked your answer...I just don't know what else to say.
Wheelin: I think we communicate so much better than we used to. Also notice how I asked you to clarify something so I made sure I would answer it, you used yo say id never answer questions remember? Hopefully you see I'm doing better with that.
Me: You are doing a lot better with that...we are communicating better. You use to give me a joke response and that would be the end if it. This time we joked but went back to topic

Me: Is there anything I can do to help you not be sensitive about this? He's not replacing you.
Wheeling: Nothing you can do. And you shouldn't have to. Its my deal.

"31 things I wish I'd known about dating when I was 21"

Found this on MSN lifestyle. Not sure I agree with all of it, but it was definately interesting.

1. If you're confused about whether a guy likes you or not, that's probably not good. Confusion in romance belongs only in romantic comedies because it suspends the plot, but suspense in real life sucks. So try not to analyze the events. The truth will reveal itself without you having to do anything.

2. Sometimes guys flirt with you or pay attention to you because it makes them feel good about themselves. (Hey, we do it, too.)

3. Even a guy who will admit that you're better looking than him should still be able to tell you you're beautiful. If he holds back in order to control the situation, or to keep you, or keep you down, he's got issues.

4. Don't help him ask you out by texting him something nice or polite. I'm glad you're more outgoing and thoughtful than he is, but he doesn't want the help.

5. Guys want to get busy more than anything. They'll say anything to close the deal.

6. It's shocking how much guys will talk about marriage. Until there's a ring on your finger, it will be better for you if you pretend you're deaf.

7. It's better not to lift a finger in the beginning.

8. In the early stages, giving him presents is too much. Generosity looks desperate to guys. You may be a great shopper and gift-wrapper; it may be his birthday and you may be wild about birthdays — even still, he'll think you're just wild about him. Too wild.

9. Guys just do not think like girls. I wish I'd had a brother. Real boys are nothing like the boys in movies.

10. They might take a decade to mature. Don't hope they'll grow up or be ready in the next six months.

11. Even if your family thinks there's going to be a marriage, don't let them spoil your guy. Yes, he's grateful you gave him your car when he moved out of NYC, but he would rather have had to work for it.

12. Learn to cook. Learn to cook well. I see now that it would have won me a lot of points. A LOT.

13. Just because he might be smarter than you or more talented at certain things doesn't mean he's your servant and won't mind doing all your homework/research/chores.

14. Guys get resentful, too.

15. You're special, unique, and important, but you're not a princess — no matter what Daddy says (although for the record, my dad calls me "Erin").

16. It's okay to say no. It's more than okay. It's always okay. If he stops calling (and many, many, many will), you're only weeding out the guys who aren't truly interested in you as a person. Time saved!

17. Playing it safe guarantees you'll have more time and energy to think about your grades or your work. Less drama in your life will always be better and healthier for you.

18. You deserve to be treated like a human being.

19. Your wants and needs are just as important as his, and if you don't express them because you think it will scare him away, then you're saying you don't count as much as he does.

20. Even sophisticated people with professional jobs can have tempers or hit you or use foul language. I've known men who dressed like diplomats but they were ugly human beings.

21. You can't force chemistry. If you like him as a friend, the attraction might grow, but if it doesn't, don't force it. And don't waste his time.

22. Ease up on the sauce. Alcohol clouds your judgment.

23. No boyfriend-girlfriend relationship starts with a 1 a.m. booty text.

24. When a guy has taken you to Applebee's five times and you say you want to treat him, he'll be psyched. But secretly he'll freak out if you take him to Ruth's Chris, even just the one teeny time. Don't try to match him one Ruth's Chris for five Applebee's. Take him out, but go to T.G.I. Friday's.

25. Women love attention. A guy needs to be pretty crazy about you in order for him to pay enough attention to make you happy long-term.

26. My mom always said, "Men don't think." I thought she meant, "They are mistaken in their thoughts." But they're just not thinking anything at all. About you. They're watching the game. That's why they haven't called.

27. There should be a medium ground between workaholism and his absolute devotion. "The knight departing for new adventures offends his lady, yet she has nothing but contempt for him if he remains at her feet" (Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 658).

28. Never underestimate the quality of "interesting." Men want someone interesting. They really do. Find some hobbies.

29. What are you hoping to gain by hooking up with this guy? If the answer is "him," that's a bad deal for you. "The woman gives herself, the man adds to himself by taking her" (de Beauvoir 659).

30. Expectations? They'll ruin every dating experience you have.

31. You will never understand men. Just try to understand yourself.

Please

Dating Dilemna

I haven't had a boyfriend for a long time. I kept saying that I haven't had a boyfriend for three years, technically thats not true. Three years ago I had a husband, he was my husband for 5 years and we were married after we were together for almost seven years. So in all honesty I haven't had a boyfriend in a minimum of eight years. Why all this background...because I realized I'm having a case of commitment phobia.
R6 really likes me. He knows I'm going to a military ball with Wheelin tonight. So he sent me the following text:
"So I got to ask and more than likely I know it's not my business and you can tell me if it's not but this guy u are going with thonight, is he someone I got to worry about and forgive me but I don't know how to make it sound better than that but I would kinda like you for myself if this continues to get better and better every time we spend together"
This kinda scared me.

Flowers

R6 sent me flowers (pic above)! I haven't received flowers in a while...I love them. The card read "Hope you had a good time last night, can't wait to see you again, I hope this brightens your day. From" R6. One of the girls at work pointed out how funny it would be if something came out of me and R6, since I met R6 through the whole motorcycle thing that Wheelin helped me out with.

I love when guys send flowers, for no reason. He dropped me off at my home at 11:45pm last night and went to teach motorcycle classes at 7am this morning. During that time he found a way to get my work address and get me flowers. I love when people go out of their way for you. Sorry, kinda mushy right now.

First date with R6

So, I met R6 back in November when I took my motorcycle safety course to get my motorcycle endorsement. I thought he was a cutie pie, he's a massive man....like a big country boy. He gave his number to the entire class in case we were running late to class or if we needed anything related in the future. I remember being attracted to him, that even Wheelin had asked if there was anyone in the class worth writing home about and I mentioned the cutie to him. Well on Mother's day I decided to text him and see if they offer any refresher courses. I just bought my first bike and I haven't driven one since that November class. R6 remembered me, (apparently not many people ask the instructors to take pictures of them while taking the class), he also remembered me as the "good looking one". He offered to give me a lesson again and that I could use the class bike. The only catch was that I would have to take him out to dinner. Think he felt bad about asking for dinner and ended up telling me that he would teach me regardless. I offered to take him out.
Yesterday was the night of our first date I asked him to meet me at the top of the Cannery (local casino), I don't like letting people know where I live right off the bat. I sent him a couple of texts 30 minutes before we're suppose to meet...never hear anything back. I show up at 6:30 on the dot and text him letting him know I'm there....never hear anything back. I wait 15 minutes and leave. I go home and eat. At 7:10 I get a call from him (this is 40 minutes after we were suppose to meet), he asks me where I was, that he was there and I never showed up. I call bullshit. Turns out....I assummed he knew I meant meet at the top floor of the parking garage...NOT the top floor of the actual hotel. He waited for me for 30 minutes. After I cracked up and told him I already ate, he says that we are going to try this again. He gives me the option of picking me up from home or meeting me at the new location. Told him I didn't want him to get confused again and that he could pick me up at home.
I had such a good time with him. He was really sweet and a complete gentleman. He had me cracking up and he's brutally honest which was awesome. After hanging out at the bar and grill we went for a ride on his bike to overlook the city and then he took me home. I'm pretty excited.

P.S. He didn't let me pay for anything.

Single Dating Moms Out There?

I was asked the other day by a guy "So why does a good looking girl like you not have a boyfriend?", it's not the first time I've been asked. I've been technically single for three years now. I know the question is just a line to get more info, but it makes me wonder as well. Why have I been single for 3 years now? My initial thought is just that I have kids, and because I'm committed to them I don't have a ton of time for guys. I fill the role of temp girlfriend better for most guys....or cool chick to hang out with once a week. Of course this isn't the answer I give to the interviewers...it's more along the lines of "I took time off from guys, then got busy". I'm so freaking busy its ridiculous. I also feel like I can't slow down, I keep adding and hardly taking anything away from my obligations.

How do most single mom's date? Is it normal for guys to not want anything serious with you because 1) You have kids 2)You have an ex-husband you have to deal with regularly 3) You're too busy, and because you have kids you can't just go out whenever....or any combination of these. It could just be something with me, but I don't see how guys keep popping in, but nothing comes out of it.

Damn Bike

Ugh! So I've been hanging out with Chess. Nothing long term is going to end up of that. He is too judgemental of people, it really bothers me. The other MAJOR thing is he has a tiny package. So tiny I knew it was tiny without him even taking his pants off....if you're grinding with someone and getting hot and heavy and you can't feel a damn thing that's a bad sign. Can we read that again and say "hypocrite"! Yeah, I know....but if you have ever fallen for someone with a great size package and then the next person that comes along is small....it just doesn't work. If I really liked him it would make a HUGE difference. Since I don't, it just doesn't work.

Wheelin knows about Chess, (not the package part). So, is it coincidence that all of a sudden Wheelin is hanging around more often? First he invited me to a military dance (ball). Then he helped me find a motorcycle, we've been working on the bike together wed/thurs/fri/sat. Finally I started the couch to 5k program so I could do the toughmudder in October, well Wheelin offered to help train with me for that too...so we ran together 3 times last week. I told Wheelin that Chess was a great distraction in helping me get over him. So should I look at all this as Wheelin thinks I'm finally in the friend zone and we can hang out more....even though we did sleep together twice in the past few weeks. I know!!!!! I'm a fucking idiot, but I can't start to think that he's jealous and trying to win me over....I can't think that way, it just gives me false hope. I have to remind myself, that I like him way more than he likes me and that I don't want that!

Fucking Chess!!!! If he had a bigger pawn we would probably be a lot better off!

P.S. The pic above is what my bike looks like.