Rant

Cornered [10:26 AM]:I'm pretty irritated with Wheelin right now
BFF [10:26 AM]:why
Cornered [10:26 AM]:he's gotten upset with me in the past about how he says that I put words in his mouth or assume I know what he means by something
Cornered [10:27 AM]:so freaking yesterday I call ed him to BS and got his voicemail so I left a message a little bit later, he calls me and tells me that he doesn't really feel like talking bt he wanted to call me back
Cornered [10:27 AM]:so we start talking and the call drops
BFF [10:28 AM]:wtf
Cornered [10:28 AM]:so I wait a little bit...I then tried to call him back and get his VM right away, so i figure his phone died
Cornered [10:29 AM]:so I send him a text saying "You didn't have to hang up on me just because you didn't want to talk =) hope you start feeling better grumps"
BFF [10:29 AM]:oh nooo
Cornered [10:29 AM]:I have no idea what was up with him....so later I tried calling him again...2 hours later and I left him a msg....again it went straight to vm
Cornered [10:30 AM]:so later than night I get to pic mails to my phone from him
BFF [10:30 AM]:any chance Wheelin & J can be related?
Cornered [10:30 AM]:LMAO
BFF [10:30 AM]:what were they
Cornered [10:30 AM]:the first pic is one of those Old Nintendo games...and below it it says "blow me"
BFF [10:31 AM]:wtf
Cornered [10:31 AM]:the second one had a pic of the oregon trail
Cornered [10:31 AM]:they were both t-shirts
Cornered [10:31 AM]:so I send him back a text saying that that first shirt is perfect for him and asked him if there was a tootsie pop shirt for me
Cornered [10:31 AM]:now here's where it gets ugly
BFF [10:31 AM]:lmao!
Cornered [10:32 AM]:just going to forward them to you
BFF [10:32 AM]:ok
Cornered [10:33 AM]:so after those two texts I tried calling him...got his vm
BFF [10:33 AM]:nothing yet
Cornered [10:33 AM]:so I text him "call me" he texts me back that he's at dinner
Cornered [10:34 AM]:so I told him he was completely wrong. then I ask if he's even talking about me....if he's mad at me or if he's just venting because I'm completely lost
Cornered [10:35 AM]:FFFFFFFF
Cornered [10:35 AM]:just sent them to him
BFF [10:35 AM]:where did u send me the messages
BFF [10:35 AM]:omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BFF [10:35 AM]:me and u should be related also
Cornered [10:36 AM]:I'm dying laughing over here
BFF [10:36 AM]:omg

Here are the texts that I accidentally sent to Wheelin and finally got them to BFF:

Wheelin: What!!?!?! Ugh. Just shush. Do you ever think before you send me that shit?

Wheelin: More bs accusations of what i want, not wanting to talk all that. Tired of that crap.

Wheelin: Accusations of hanging up, im sick of the accusations especially when theyre so hypocritical since i dunno, I CALLED YOU. Sick of that shit. How many times do i have to tell u this?

Wheelin: I haven't been through anything, i will send ur text back 2 u.

Wheelin: Or were u being sarchastic?

Wheelin: Sorry i just got that u were joking. Missed that smiley.

Wheelin: Sorry I got mad. I thought you werent joking and i got excited. I was saying to myself, seriously??...anyways no tootsie roll shirts, why tootsie roll?

Wheelin: Shush, so i was wrong finally! least i admitted it, and apologized, see how that works?

BFF [10:37 AM]:so it ended how?
Cornered [10:38 AM]:I told him that I was completely joking...that I thought his phone died...that i was not going to continue this conversation via text
Cornered [10:38 AM]:then he apologized
Cornered [10:40 AM]:I'm really bad at apologizing...I don't apologize often and he doesn't like that either
Cornered [10:40 AM]:but i thought his apology sucked
Cornered [10:41 AM]:so...I'm still irritated
BFF [10:41 AM]:wow
BFF [10:41 AM]:ok
BFF [10:42 AM]:i agree with you
BFF [10:42 AM]:but the apologizing part you have too (when you're at fault) what is wrong with that
BFF [10:42 AM]:why don't u
Cornered [10:43 AM]:My normal reaction is to tell the person that they're right and that I'll work on whatever it is that is the problem
BFF [10:43 AM]:ok
Cornered [10:43 AM]:the words "i'm sorry" seem kind of lame to me. Just fix the issue
BFF [10:43 AM]:ok i see it
Cornered [10:43 AM]:his "sorry" didn't make it better for me
BFF [10:43 AM]:right
BFF [10:44 AM]:girl I don't know what to tellyou
Cornered [10:44 AM]:I beleive I'm wrong or at fault I just don't normally use that phrase
BFF [10:44 AM]:i can't be a hyprocrite
BFF [10:44 AM]:in telling you to dump his ass
Cornered [10:44 AM]:lol
BFF [10:44 AM]:that it"s just not worthit
Cornered [10:44 AM]:how would you feel right now
BFF [10:44 AM]:pissed
Cornered [10:45 AM]:did his apologizing make you feel any better
BFF [10:45 AM]:nope
Cornered [10:45 AM]:its like I'm this horrible person and last night was the last straw for him....if its that bad, what good is an apology. If he's that close to being fed up...why apologize
BFF [10:46 AM]:exactly
BFF [10:46 AM]:i think he feels guilty
BFF [10:46 AM]:for something
Cornered [10:46 AM]:any minute now I could do or say something that will send him there again
BFF [10:47 AM]:right, it"s always something different, its like you can"t catch him in the same mood everyday
BFF [10:47 AM]:kinda like walking on eggshells
Cornered [10:47 AM]:EXACTLY
BFF [10:47 AM]:and it's fucken sucks
Cornered [10:47 AM]:it does
BFF [10:48 AM]:but some reason u keep holding on
BFF [10:48 AM]:why not reach that boiling point of FUCK IT, I don't need this
Cornered [10:48 AM]:i know....its almost like therapy...because we're so much alike...things he does that drive me nuts, I realize that I do a lot of them too. So its like working with a mirror
BFF [10:48 AM]:it's BS and he is stringing me along
BFF [10:49 AM]:yea but that doesn't make it ok
BFF [10:49 AM]:or worth it
Cornered [10:49 AM]:it doesn't
BFF [10:49 AM]:hmm
BFF [10:52 AM]:all this literally drives me crazy
Cornered [10:52 AM]:me too
BFF [10:52 AM]:i can't handle wondering/assuming/analyzing
BFF [10:53 AM]:knowing that they are not even putting any engery as we are
BFF [10:53 AM]:still haven"t heard from j
Cornered [10:55 AM]:girl, I don't even think I should give advice....my shit is not working anyway
BFF [10:56 AM]:right
BFF [10:56 AM]:will you just marry me then
BFF [10:56 AM]:LMAO
Cornered [10:57 AM]:you plan it...I'll show up
Cornered [10:57 AM]:but I'm not living with you
Cornered [10:57 AM]:LMAO
BFF [10:57 AM]:wtf???
BFF [10:57 AM]:why
Cornered [10:57 AM]:hahahaha, we would kill eachother
BFF [10:57 AM]:LMAO
Cornered [10:58 AM]:love ya girl
BFF [10:59 AM]:muah muah muah

Why I'm awesome

Got this idea from Oh Mishka, so here goes:

I'm one of the most positive people you will ever meet.
I'm very honest.
I am a woman of my word, it means a lot to me to follow through on things I say I'm going to do.
I'm beautiful inside and out.
I have thick hair.
I'm trying my best to be a great mother, give my girls new and memorable experiences.
I'm in pretty damn good shape for having two kids and not being able to afford a gym membership.
I have beautiful eyes.
Love my handwriting.
Love the way I scrapbook.
Love that I can fix things around the house.
Proud of myself for going back to school and doing so well.
Love my appetite for food and that I'm willing to try almost anything.
Love my cooking.
Love my free spirit and how I can be happy go lucky.
Love that I'm trying so many new things and decent at them.
love how easy going I can be and roll with the punches.
I'm proud of how I handled the devastating situation of finding out about my ex-husband and ex-bestfriend falling in love with eachother.
I have a great sense of logic and can see other people's point of view even if it doesn't agree with mine.
I can be very trusting and always see the good in people.
Love my childlike spirit.
Love my fashion sense and how I ut clothes and jewelry together.

Sleepy

I am so sleepy. I spent the night with Wheelin last night, after helping him move from 8pm - 3am. Fell asleep about 3:30am to wake up at 6am to go to work. Whenever I'm around him and he's being cuddly, its awesome. Then when I don't hear from him insecurities start creeping back. I like him.....but he does things that get to me, and sometimes I feel that its just to see my reaction. Like bringing up other chicks and their looks. Yeah thats a major weakness of mine.

I went to a psychic yesterday before I helped him move. She gave me the reading in exchange for pool equipment stuff that I no longer needed. It was pretty interesting. She talked about my ex and his wife...how she felt that he wouldn't have ever left me but that she felt he was manipulated into leaving. I always thought that it was so bizarre how he decided all of a sudden that she was the love of his life. Even his best friend would come to me and we would both just shake our heads in disbelief wondering what just happened to that amazing man we both admired and loved. The psychic told me that she felt his wife is currently cheating on him and that they probably won't last but another year. Great news she told me is that she sees me moving back east. I have really wanted to move to the DC area. I want an amazing life for my kids and this current city we live is just horrible for them. Its probably ranked one of the worst.

She told me she sees me getting married in about 4 years and having another child. I was holding a stone she gave me and dropped it the minute she said that. She even told me she could see what he looked like and wished she could draw him for me. I was so caught off guard that it never occurred to me till now to just ask her to describe him. Why did it catch me so off guard? Everybody always talks like my future husband is right around the corner, that its only a matter of time. I even have a vision in my head of being happy and in love with a man again. I think I just don't want to walk around with this hope and this expectation from everyone...and what if it doesn't happen. What if I don't meet him till I'm 67. Would I be crushed? What am I so scared of or against? It would just be crazy to be against finding the man of my dreams. It just hit me...this sucks, I'm typing this at work and now I have tears in my eyes. I can't see anyone else being the man of my dreams but my ex "Stephen". I guess if I met someone else I would have been wrong about him. He was (is?) the love of my life...my soul mate. Thats why I married him and had to amazing little girls with him. He's the one...was the one. Now no matter what I can't be with him. It doesn't matter if he ends things with her and comes running back to me. Telling me what a horrible mistake he made and how he can't believe he did that to us. I can't ever be with him again. I'm so broken when it comes to relationships now. I have major trust issues and this is with people that have never done anything to me. Can you even imagine being with someone who did one of the biggest betrayals. I can't. It would crush everything all over again. Give me hope...give the kids hope.

Then why am I keeping all the letters, cards, pictures, memories? Most are sitting in a box sealed in duct tape. I even dated when I sealed it. I'm not even looking at it. I guess if I got rid of it theres no proof of our love. There would only be me....only me saying that even after everything that happened, I loved him with every fiber of my being. He's told so many people that he never loved me, that if it weren't for his bestfriend I would almost believe it. Actually I do question it and thank you so much Davis for sitting there and being patient with me and reminding me every time I question it...that he did love me, you were there you witnessed it.

Is it odd to anyone that I pour my heart and soul...so many people know how much I love(d) my ex. How after 2 years I still cry about it and he has NO IDEA. When I talk to him we only talk about the kids, if we argue its regarding the kids. I'm sure he thinks I hate him...and I'm not going to change his mind. Why...are you wondering why. I'm telling you anyway. Because no matter how much I know I can never be with him again...no matter how much i know that it can't/won't work....I can't risk him asking me. I don't want him to try and come back, I don't want to be tested. I always thought how awesome it would be to have him grovel and beg me forgiveness and to be completely over him and tell him "This was all you, this is what you wanted. I loved you with all my heart and you had a woman that would have done anything for you. She's gone"

Workin on me

I need to take a good look at myself. There is nothing that makes me squirm more and gets under my skin than someone telling me I act like my mother. I can't stand my mother. I've been trying to be her opposite for as long as I can remember. Things to work on,

1. Stop looking at things and thinking the worst or the most negative thing possible.

2. Start speaking up for yourself instead of shutting down when things start to go badly. Talk about the problem or issue at hand.

3. Try to apologize more when I'm suppose to.

I set this to the side a few weeks ago and kept meaning to come back to it. But right now those are the only things I can think of that make me like my mom. Well these 3 are enough to work on for now.

Too funny

So last Friday....over a week ago I gave my number to a guy. A guy i really wasn't very interested in. My friend was talking to his buddy and we were having a good time so I didn't want to kill the mood by turning him down when he asked for my number.

So I had a Black Martian (he calls himself that) semi-stalking me for over a week. It was very bizarre and so funny at the same time. He sent me about a dozen texts and called me and left voicemails a couple of times. It went like this:

Black Martian - 7/11: Whats up. Black Martian

Black Martian - 7/11: Voice Mail "Hey whats going on I met you last night and I normally give girls 3 days before I call them but yous was lookin kinda hot so I figured I'd call you before someone snatches you up. Call me at your earliest convenience"

Black Martian - 7/16: Whats up Big Bootie?

Me - 7/16: Lose my number<

Black Martian - 7/16: I'm sorry please don't take it so personally I was just trying to get a response from you. I've been trying to get a hold you the whole week.

Black Martian - 7/16: I'm sorry I just think you're so beautiful, you remind me of the psychiatrist on the Sopranos (is that suppose to be a compliment?) very classy.

Black Martian - 7/16: I'm sorry please let me make it up to you. I'd like to take you to dinner tomorrow. I'm a good guy.

Black Martian - 7/17: Hello sweetheart. How is your day going?

Black Martian - 7/18: Voice Mail What the fuck man. Call your boy back. Don't take it personal. I'm sorry that I said that on the text. I know that you're probably a very sensitive woman. I'm sorry....I'm gonna have to get in touch with my female intuition on this one. Call me back God damn it. I'm not playing wit you. Shit, stop acting like a bitch and call me back.

Black Martian - 7/19: Hi, I want to reiterate how sorry i am 4 disrespecting you. I didnt think u would take it so personal. Well I really like u, despite the text.

Black Martian - 7/19: But im a stand up guy. and i just want a chance to talk and get tn know u as friends. Black Martian

Black Martian - 7/19: Im not going to beg u, but when i met u, and I took ur hand, I knew we had a connection. I LEAD U FOLLOWED.just give me a chance. at least call me.

So now its 7/24 and I haven't heard from him...yippee! Did you notice how many times I contacted him???? ONCE...one time to say "lose my number". This was the weirdest thing. I met that guy and "hung out"/talked for about 15 minutes. Who does that? I had a few drinks in me and barely even remember what he looks like. But we had a connection??? Something is seriously wrong with him. He's a nice guy who also tells me to quit acting like a bitch....hmmmmmmmmmmm. Wish you could hear the actual voice mail. It was priceless.

My thank you to Wheelin

just so you know‏
From: cornered
Sent: Thu 7/16/09 9:58 AM
To: wheelin

One thing you mentioned the other night was that I don't pay attention or give you credit for the nice things you do. I'm paraphrasing.

Well I just wanted to let you know that I did notice and that I should have said something instead of just mentioning the things that weren't done.

So here goes in no particular order. If I left something out...then that really sucks that you have a better memory than me when it comes to these things. =)

Thank you for helping me with my garage. It was really nice that you put your stuff in there and made sure I had enough room to still park my van in there. It was really nice of you to help me re organize it and offer to help me with that stupid crib several times. it was cool that you helped sweep and wash out a bunch of the nasty stuff that had accumulated in there. Thank you for trying to fix my daughter's bike and showing me how to use the bicycle pump so I could inflate their tires. Thank you for offering to check the tires on my van and offering to check the fluids in the van. Thank you for showing concern and wanted to help out when my battery died. Thank you for helping me take all that crap to be donated. It was really sweet of you to take me to my hair appointment and wait the hour for it to be over. Thank you for all the backrubs and working on my shoulders....you've probably given me more massages than all the guys I've been with combined, I really appreciated them. Thank you for coming over to my work several times for lunch, and hanging out in that miserable heat at the picnic tables just so we could talk. Thank you for making me yummy healthy dinners several times and then serving me. Thank you for the bike rides, and taking the time to show me how the bike works. Thank you for helping me post all that stuff on craigslist. Thank you for showing concern when I would tell you that I was going to yet another doctor's appt. Thank you for helping us get hooked up with ice cream for cheap. Thank you for giving me the rest of the frozen chocolate chip cookies. Thank you for buying me eggs to make brownies, making me crack up over a 20 minute discussion on the eggs you bought me. Thank you for making an attempt to eat the horrible brownies I made at your place. Thank you for offering to take the monstrosity machine to my buddy's house. Thank you for giving me the initial slip that I filled out to be hounded by Northwest Mutual ;). Thank you for finding me someone that could get me cheaper car insurance. Thank you for taking the time to show my oldest about your watch and how it works and sounds. Thank you for the camping trip with the girls....it was really neat for me to get to do that with them. Thank you for inviting me hiking and introducing me to someone that loves to hike often. Thank you for watching Karma during the girl's birthday party. Thank you for fixing my TV after I had watched it for almost 2 years with just 13 channels. Thank you for the letting me keep the white baseball cap. In general thanks for looking out for me. There aren't many people that have come into my life that have made me want to be a better person and for that I thank you the most.

Now you should have an idea of why I liked you so much. Just wanted to make sure you knew that those things weren't done in vane or went un noticed...even if you did forget some of them or just did them because you're a nice guy. They were all appreciated....even the things I can't remember right now.

Where are you?

Written on my LJ blog over a year ago:

Every now and then i have fantasies of the guy I'm suppose to be with. Like right now i was thinking on how every time I'm dating someone they always start talking about marriage and how they want to marry me. Sometimes I think they only say that because thats what girls want to hear. The man I'm suppose to be with wouldn't have to tell me that they love me right away or that they want to marry me...

As I'm writing this I'm figuring out that maybe I don't like people telling me so quickly that they love me or want to get married to me because I don't feel that way about them. Marriage has never been my ultimate goal. Only happiness. Even with Chris when we got engaged I set the wedding date for 2 1/2 years later.

Mr. Right, would know me better than anyone else ever has. He would know me good enough to know that I would always tell him the truth if he ever needed to know something or asked about anything. He would know how to deal with my mom. He would make me want to be a better person. He would love to challenge me and joke around with me. I would respect him and he would make me feel so secure in his love. He would be a man of his word. He would know exactly what to say when I'm feeling down or need a swift kick in the butt. He would argue with me but concede if he knew my answer was better...keep fighting if he thought his was and I would concede. He would surprise me. My birthday would be one of the most important days to him. He would have friends and guys nights. I would never have to worry that he was out there being disrespectful of his love to me. He would love sports and we would go to games. He would be handy around the house. He would get me flowers to cheer me up or make me smile...not because he was in the dog house. People could just look at him and see how in love we are with eachother, just by the smile on his face. He would take care of me, since I'm so bad at it. He's affectionate. He'll try anything I make. He's protective of me. He wants to see the world. He would do things just because they make me happy.

Random Me

I wrote this over a year ago, in a different blog

1. I'm really funny, somehow only the closest people to me understand this.
2. I wanted to be a vet for a long time but didn't really want to see animals in distress
3. When it comes to my kids...I have a favorite depending on the situation.
4. I love things that are different and unique. I usually try to go against the grain.
5. I love smurfs and Heman.
6. I chew on my lips when I'm nervous.
7. I had no idea I was born on Pearl Harbor day til I was a teenager and someone told me.
8. My parents have no idea I've been married twice.
9. I'm afraid of being in the same water with fish.
10. I've gone scuba diving.
11. I've thrown up 30 feet underwater.
12. I hate it when people want to dress my kids as twins.
13. I can't read if I'm in a moving car, I get really car sick.
14. I love pushing in the little circles on drink tops...the ones that distinguish what kind of soda you have.
15. I stopped playing punch buggy when I was 27.
16. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
17. I backed a truck into a cinder block wall when I was 5.
18. The dog was in the car with me and he jumped out the window the minute the car started moving.
19. That dog was a traitor.
20. Double dog daring me still has a huge effect...and will probably get results.
21. I am/was a huge tom boy growing up.
22. But I cheerleaded for 7 years.
23. You know how a cat or dog will all of sudden start running all over the house...I do that sometimes.
24. When I'm by myself at home, I always pretend someone's breaking in.
25. I think I miss my gardner more than my ex.
26. I hate my yard...long grass, brown spots, empty planter boxes.
27. I've always thought I was going to die at a young age.
28. I love surprises.
29. I think I've ruined almost every surprise somebody has tried to surprise me with.
30. I like surprising others more than being surprised.
31. I still believe that I will have a happy ever after.
32. I'm too impatient to wait for it.
33. I've been bitten by a brown recluse.
34. Stung by jellyfish.
35. I like tolerating pain.
36. I want to put my girls in "boy" sports.
37. I want them to learn how to ride dirt bikes.
38. I wore slacks to my highschool graduation only because they told the girls that we had to wear dresses.
39. I stole money from my dad when I was 14.
40. I used it to by perfume for my mom for Christmas.
41. I still feel guilty about it.
42. I put myself down to make other people feel better about themselves.
43. I love making other people feel better.
44. I suck at keeping in touch with people.
45. The people I've known the longest are because they've kept in touch with me.
46. I don't call people to just shoot the shit.
47. I do love talking on the phone for hours with people I find interesting.
48. I love to laugh. It's the highlight of my day.
49. I bribe my kids to talk to their dad on the phone.
50. I love hugs.
51. Kissing is my favorite.
52. I love keeping my house clean...
53. Except for my room, and bathroom...I'm horrible at it
54. Whenever I go to the store Michael's I have to use the bathroom...I think my body just likes their bathrooms.
55. My body normally waits until I have several things in my cart before it decides it needs to go.
56. Morals get in the way of a lot of things I'd like to do.
57. I nuke my chocolate chip cookies
58. I wish my mom had a boyfriend so she would stop paying attention to me again.
59. I wish me and my brother were as close as we use to be.
60. I wish I would have gone away to college.
61. I want to go bungee jumping!
62. Someone would have to push me off of the platform.
63. I want to go sky diving!
64. Someone would have to push me out of the plane.
65. I like literally picking on people...
66. Sand out of hair, pimples, black heads....it's gross I know
67. I love accomplishing something I didn't think I could do...
68. Like changing a sprinkler head, climbing on my roof top to take down Christmas lights.
69. I always wanted to buy all the stuff on terrysvillage.com and decorate my house in it...
70. Didn't have enough time or money
71. I love rainbows and sunsets...
72. If it wasn't so freaking early I'd love sunrises too.
73. I need validation in everything I do
74. I want to tie my mom down, put duct tape over her mouth and make her listen to me rant about what I think of her.
75. I'm jealous of people who have good relationships with their parents.
76. I love writing letters over email.
77. I love getting mail...I love cards in the mail, letters, packages.
78. I want my scrapbook room to look like this http://www.madcropper.com/amandas-scrapbook-room/
79. I hate my mini-van.
80. I want a four door truck
81. I want professional make-up lessons
82. I think its funny when I take a guy out in soccer.
83. I found out the other day that there are girls that don't like guys to go down on them. I was shocked...no idea that existed.
84. I wish I could be more selfish.
85. I love meeting happy couples...
86. I never want to get to know them better, because they're usually unhappy with eachother
87. I suck at lying.
88. If I'm going to lie I have to be prepared in advance.
89. I go to church every Sunday.
90. I'm still not 100% sold on the whole creationism.
91. I clap whenever I'm really happy.
92. NO idea how or when that started. Didn't even really realize till people started pointing it out.
93. I love googling people or doing background checks.
94. I hate dressing room mirrors.
95. I refuse to read the synopsis on movies or books...I'd rather be completely surprised.
96. I love to Karaoke.
97. I still think it's cool that I got "Best looking" in my junior high yearbook
98. Its a huge pet peeve of mine people refuse to try new foods.
99. I ate a tongue taco because I was dared.
100. I'm a hopeless romantic.

Listen up yall...

Am I sabotaging....or am I just realizing that I don't want to be with someone and just push them away every PMS moment I get? BFF says that I wouldn't be sabotaging if I really wanted to be with the person. That I'm seeing red flags and started pushing away.

I'm worried. I don't want to mess up something good. Wheelin is not the man of my dreams....he's a decent guy with an amazing cock. He is nice and very helpful. But I don't like that he seems to enjoy pointing out my flaws. I tell him repeatedly that I don't know how he feels about me and somehow he continues to dance around the topic. That should be all I need to figure that out. If I'm the one sabotaging why am I also the one that keeps telling him how much I like him? Why is it that I discount so easily the things that he does do, that are suppose to reflect his feelings to me? Is it the love languages? Not sure I even completely believe in those anymore...and I think Buffer stayed with that book. No whats hilarious....yesterday would have been me and Buffer's 2 year anniversary. Fuck I waste time with people.

"It Ends Tonight"

Ugh. Was in a decent mood and that just kind of spiraled downward. So I didn't talk or text Wheelin at all yesterday and he didn't contact me either. Today he calls me at work....he also sent me a text regarding a new pic of me and some girlfriends on fb. His direct quote "Helloooo!...."girlfriend's name"! Woohooo! Youre hair needs to be like hers! Otherwise nice pic". So basically he's letting me know he thinks my friend is hot and that he doesn't like my hair. The more I think about it the more pissed I get. So I've deleted him from fb and I just sent him a text saying "thanks for the shitty text".

Am I over reacting? Even guys that I'm not interested in....if they are interested in me, I don't sit there and ogle their friends, rub it in their face and then put them down to...WTF

little lost

Man, thats all I could come up with for goals. That seems pretty sad. A couple major things i keep on the horizon are work related. Do I want to start my own business as a theme party coordinator or become a photographer. I don't even know where to start. I need to do something, something to get ahead money wise. To benefit my kids.

writing it down

So I've been trying to come up with goals. Things to look forward to and accomplish.

#1 Pay off my credit cards. I owe $6700. PLan on putting a big chunk of my upcoming bonus and tax return towards it. That should end up freeing about $200 a month. I want this done by 7/2010 at the latest.

#2 I want to be going to UNLV by 2012.

#3 Tile my bathrooms, have that done by Dec. 2009.

#4 Tile my kitchen area by Dec. 2010.