My experiment

Since my divorce my emotional state can be very up and down. I didn't think too much about it. I married my highschool sweetheart, we had been together since I was 16...so basically I figured of course my emotional state might be a bit off. I also don't have anything else to compare it to because I am such a different person now....compared to "pre-ex husband" days. Every now and then I was growing a little concerned: What's wrong with me? Why am I having such mood swings? Is it because of my period that I weird out every month? Am I bipolar?

I started tying it to my period, because Buffer is the one that pointed out how I would try to get rid of him and kick him out of my life every single month like clock work. It was pretty weird when I realized he was absolutely right. It was so bizarre because I never realized....even though I was now aware of the issue, all those horrible, sad, lonely feelings would come back. The strangest thing was also than when you would think I needed people the most...that's when I would push everyone away, then I would wallow in it.

So now I'm trying something different. The experiment. I really think part of the issue is THE PILL. I never took it consistently until after my divorce, it has hormones in it and I really believe that it is throwing me off. Recently there was an issue were my pharmacy wasn't able to fill my prescription and I've had to go without...and I am so happy.

Things aren't getting to me like they normally do. I can go a day without talking to Wheelin and it doesn't bother me. Its like my body is giving itself regular pep talks and we're just happy. We're us! Man I've missed me and its been kind of scary, thinking I was gone and that the divorce was the reason. So yeah...I'm kind of putting a lot on THE PILL and hoping that is truly the reason for this "other bizarre mopey chick" that's been hanging around. If she continues to come back on a regular basis...not sure what I'm going to do.

There is the issue of the whole reason for taking the pill...and knowing that most forms of birth control have hormones. Yes....I'll use condoms, but those have slipped off twice while I did the deed with Wheelin. I can't have another baby right now....I just can't. Think we would both fall into cardiac arrest at that prospect. He has so many things he wants to do and I just have too much on my plate. Wheelin has been informed of the experiment. Well we'll see what happens, I want to be happy and sex makes me happy too....dilemma.